Female Masturbation:

A Touchy Subject?

Female masturbation is a touchy subject, quite literally. Whilst it is accepted that the vast majority of males masturbate, often throughout the entirety of their sexual lives when both single or in relationships, there is still stigma attached to the thought of female solo-sex. This should not be the case, and like most aspects of modern life, little distinction should be drawn between the genders and what constitutes normal behaviour for either. Whether you engage in masturbation when single or your partner is unavailable, or you enjoy it as part of your everyday sexual routine, remember there are no right or wrong ways to pleasure yourself or set rules for the amount of time spent, or form of stimulation used.

Indeed, the majority of women who enjoy regular masturbation find it a sexually liberating experience. Since the sexual revolution in the 1960s; the rise of popular feminism and the increasing equality of women in general, a degree of the social taboo surrounding female masturbation has subsided and the topic has received some attention in the media. Nevertheless, women still find it difficult to discuss masturbation with their friends, family and sometimes even, their sexual partner. Far fewer women are prepared to admit that they regularly pleasure themselves than their male counterparts, who are typically more open and truthful about the fact they use masturbation to relieve pent-up sexual frustration, or simply because they just really love the liberating sensation of orgasm-upon-request. Unfortunately, not all women are able to experience orgasm with their lover, and in some circumstances this may be due to the fact that some women are not ‘in touch’ with their own bodies and cannot guide their partner sufficiently or allow themselves to relax into the experience and allow nature to take its course.

It is normal for masturbation to start in childhood, at the onset of puberty or thereabouts, and should not be discouraged or perceived as shameful. Typically, boys start to masturbate as soon as they are able to sustain an erection, but in the case of females, the learning and use of self-pleasuring techniques is often delayed until the late teens or twenties, and usually after she has entered into a sexual relationship. The elusiveness of the orgasm in early sexual encounters can be disconcerting and off-putting to many women who question why they do not attain the same satisfaction from sex as their male partner or seemingly, women portrayed in film or TV. Masturbation holds the key to enjoying ­all sex; it teaches you what you like and what you do not like; allows you to become aware of when you are reaching climax and what things accelerate or delay your orgasm, and helps achieve overall sexual confidence and maturity.

Of course some women (and of course this applies to some men also), view masturbation as an activity which takes place outside of relationships, when single and sex with a partner is not an option. This perception may be fuelled by the misconception that a partner should and will fulfil all sexual needs. In reality this happens occasionally, but more often than not, there are times when people in the most loving and satisfying relationships desire the egocentric pleasure which can be derived from masturbation. Fantasies which may not be possible to enjoy with a partner can be played out through the act of masturbation and there is no need to take another’s pleasure and enjoyment into consideration, rendering it the ultimate form of self-indulgence. Furthermore, sexual appetites and drives may alter; meaning that at some point in every relationship sex will not be available, despite the physical closeness of your partner. This does not mean you have to deny yourself pleasure because your partner is not in a position to provide it. Sexual frustration often leads to deeper difficulties and resentments in a relationship and masturbation is a far less harmful way of dealing with such problems than the other route to gratification—infidelity. Therefore, masturbation can be a valuable tool in sustaining a healthy sex-life during periods of sexual abstinence.

Society tends to identify women as being less sexually-driven than men; less easily aroused and placing less importance on sex. Further, women who are identified as being highly sexually-active are often considered to be immoral and lacking in self-respect, harking back to the traditional gender stereotypes which have been in existence throughout the ages. Whereas acting upon sexual impulses is encouraged and praised (and often aspired to) in respect of men; in females the very opposite is true. Sexual behaviour is one area where the boundaries of gender discrimination have not yet been fully broken down and in fact this may never happen due to cultures, religions and faiths which restrict the expression of female sexuality. But how do social stereotypes and differences affect the (usually!) private act of masturbation? Women may either deny their sexual urges until they find a partner and then focus all efforts on satisfying themselves within the confines of foreplay and intercourse with their lover, or alternatively may indeed use masturbation, but not feel comfortable discussing the topic due to the notion that talking opening about sex is improper feminine behaviour. However our view is that masturbation is a perfectly normal and healthy part of life and something which should be embraced and not shied away from. Learning about your own body and then teaching your lover about your unique palette of sexual preferences is the best way to physically bond and grow as a couple, and can rekindle the flame where passions have cooled.